taxes.

Hello, tax return! Now, I can breathe a little easier.

work.

I applied to a few places this week. I also gave my resume to someone & ideally, I would love that job. They have free daycare for the employee's children! & I think it would be a good stepping stone for getting back into the 'work force.' Today, I found another job that I want to apply to, but I keep putting it off. They want references and I was going to list the same people I always do, but I needed to make the reference page. Off to Google I went & I found this: SAHM. & I feel like I'm never going to find a job that's not Walmart (the last place I worked). My resume sucks and I know it does because I just put it together when I decided to apply for one job. Also, I've worked two jobs in my life (Asahi as a hostess & a cashier at Walmart) and there's not much I can say I did at those jobs. I sat people down & gave them their menus. I rang people up at Walmart. Not to mention, I worked there FIVE YEARS AGO. Most people that I worked with aren't there anymore & I have no idea where they are--well except for like one person. In the five years, I moved somewhere different, took time off school (I had enough of it at that point because school was drilled into my head since I was in Pre-K), moved again, started online school, got pregnant & had a baby. I don't feel that I wasted the past five years, but I think that I really did need that time to just relax. That sucks for me now, because I have nothing to show (except for the 2 years of online school that I still need to get my certification for) for it. I applied to a few Pharmacy Tech jobs (which I went to school for), but I don't know if that's a career/path I want anymore. I still don't know what I want to do & I am going on 24. & I think that's why I want to work so bad. Aside from wanting to buy things & moving out, I want to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. I know I want to stay home & raise Matti (& all future kids), but at this point in my life, we need for me to work. & I feel like I need to work. It just sucks because I don't feel like I'm going to get anything. I know God has a plan for me. & I know I shouldn't worry about this because He's got this. I just want to take some of the load off Jason's shoulders. So yea, I'm kinda 'meh' today, but I know that in the end, whatever that's meant to be will find its way.

February.

& here I am for my monthly update. With pictures! February went by so fast, but it was a good month =) I started looking for a job & I actually had a phone interview with a bank set up. I don't know what happened, but the lady I talked to never called me for the actual interview. I tried for two weeks (calling & emailing) to see what was up and I never got a response back to anything. So, I moved on. I've found a few receptionist & bank jobs so hopefully one of those will come through. One of those jobs actually has a daycare in the building for the employees so I'm praying something happens with that one. God's in control, though. There's a new Kohl's opening up down here & we went to take Jason's aunt to her interview. His mom called & told him to come back & do an interview since they were taking walk-ins. He hesitated for a little bit & decided to do it since he was supposed to apply to two jobs anyway (to receive unemployment--which eventually got denied anyway!). In he went with jeans & a collared shirt, haha. A few days later, he got a job offer. It's not much, but it's something. We're still praying for a job on base. Lent also started and I am focusing on spiritual growth. Something's happening because I've been waking up at five in the morning to make Jason's his breakfast before work. & today, instead of going back to bed, I stayed up & spent a few minutes with Him. Also, Sunday after Mass, I went to confession. I used to AVOID going at all costs & I just went. I freaked out a little bit when there was no screen, but in the end, I felt a lot more comfortable without it. So, I am trying to keep up with this because I've never felt better. And so at peace. So anyway, here is a look into my February.

My dad's birthday was on February 3rd! He's a hard working guy and has done a lot for our family. I look up to him a lot and I hope to be like him in the way that he serves the Lord. We went to Oga's for sushi & when we came home, we surprised him with this cake.

Matti was/is so in love with this hat. It's a New Year's hat. He walks around the house with it on. Sometimes, he covers his eyes with it & walks around blowing raspberries, haha. I don't think he wanted me to interrupt him and his hat. Also, the outfit is ridiculous, haha...the paw print onesie was an undershirt.

 

  

We had a "blizzard" early in the month & I had fun taking pictures of it. I also started my obsession with (naked) trees.The bottom picture is my favorite tree here at my parents' house--I don't know why! Jason says I need to take a picture of it in all four seasons. Smart man. 

Matti LOVED the snow. We finally bought him some boots so he could actually walk in it. It was so hard to get him inside! He definitely takes after his daddy on this one. 

 

Whoever invented this game (Hand & Foot) is a genius. We pretty much got all of our friends & family addicted to this game. I've been told it's a lot like Spades because you have to make books & whatnot. Hand & Foot is just love love love love and we played a lot of it =)

I think this was day #3 in the snow for Matti. It was after we got the second part of the storm so a lot of the snow on the ground went away. I snapped this picture of babylove when he heard an airplane fly by. We live close to a base & they're constantly flying over our house. & Matti stops what he's doing, looks up & says, "Ayplayne!"  Sometimes, he makes his hand "fly" in the air while he makes an airplane sound. Back to the picture: He was looking very, very hard to find the "ayplayne."

 

I love that Matti loves books now. This is one of his favorite books--Cars--because there's cars all over it. This is also one of his favorite pages. The other page he loves has Lightning McQueen with dirt all over him. The page reads, "Dirty car." & Matti says, "Ew! Ew! Ew!" everytime. He has a new book that he loves called "Wheels" which has cars on it too, but one page has a train (choo choo) AND an airplane on it. Along with Elmo, those things are his favorite. Oh & firetrucks too. 

One of my favorite things that Matti did this month was him finally calling me "mommy." He would say "mama" but it was never consistent & he would call my mom that too. I know he wasn't doing it intentionally, but I wanted to be called something, too. He was sitting in his high chair eating & as I walked away, he said, "mommy.." When I turned around & he was looking right at me with a smile on his face. Now he says, "mommyyyyyy" with a cheesy grin & it melts my heart everytime.

And to end February off, Jason, Jeaniffer, Marisa, Ashley & myself decided to make some sweet treats. So we made rice crispy treats, cupcakes (a la Jason) & chocolate covered strawberries. & they were all delicious!

So, February was pretty good. I look forward to March. I started it off pretty amazing & I hope it gets better. I've got big plans for Matti. I'm going to attempt to take away his pacifier this month. He has an Elmo that he hugs at night so I'm hoping that will help him with the big change. I've also started teaching him the Alphabet. I made the mistake of using the Alphabet song for one of his lullabies, and he doesn't like singing it. So, I changed that and hopefully he won't hate it anymore, haha. We started with the letter "A" last week & hopefully this week we can go to "B!" He's learning more & more words and I just love it. I love seeing him learn new things. Sometimes, he picks up a book & starts babbling like he's reading. He has my heart, completely. Jason & I have a few things we want to do. One of them is start the process of going back to school. We're hoping that maybe in the summer we can both take a class (maybe together?) and the latest we'll go back is in the Fall. We both really want to start up soon though. I also have been wanting a DSLR camera even more. I told Jason to forget about the Imac & the Dyson, I just want a camera. All in God's time, Frances. & that is the end of February :)

Hello, March!

daydreaming.

A few months ago, I told Jake that in five years I want to move somewhere completely different. My first thought was Florida. I wanted to go somewhere warm & where the sun was always shining. Then, a friend of mine mentioned that she wanted to move to Tennessee because of how beautiful it is there. So, I started looking at house prices & I fell in love with a few log cabins. I've always said that I want to live in a log cabin. Late last summer, we went to Tennessee with Jason's family for our yearly trip. I'm not much of a nature person--snakes, bears, and big cats scare the crap out of me. I do love going up to the mountains though. We used to go every summer with Jason's family in Pennsylvania & last year we went to the Smokies. The air is so clean, the people are so nice, and it's just SO. PEACEFUL. There's something about it. I'm fortunate that the time we have gone up to the mountains, we've stayed for at least a week so I was able to enjoy different things about it. I really did love Tennessee though (except for flipping my tube over a giant rock). I told Jason I wanted to move there instead of Florida, but we will see. I also stumbled on houses in South Carolina & those were just beautiful for a decent price. We have family friends there & a few years ago (when I was still in high school), my dad had to go to work there & my whole family went. Something again about being in the south & hello, unlimited supply of sweet tea! I want to see how other areas of the US are because let's face it, Southern Maryland gets kinda boring sometimes. I love being back in Maryland, I do, but something in me wants to do this. I don't know if we'll follow through with it, but if the job market continues to be like how it is, it might be a good possibility. I'll miss church though, the church family, FCJ, and of course we'll miss our family & friends. I want Matti to grow up with his family close by--especially his grandparents. I wish the Navy had sent us to other places so I wouldn't have this urge to move.

Hand & Foot is love

So, when I finally decide to do monthly updates, I end up updating this more? What's wrong with me? I wanted to write about last night. It was much needed & it was so much fun. Nothing really exciting happened...to other people, it could be considered quite boring actually. It was just a bunch of friends sitting around a table playing cards. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard, haha. And I needed that. My mom even took Matti & fed him dinner & hung out with him most of the night so that me & Jason could just hang out. Awesome. Life isn't bad, it's not terrible, but for me, I feel like I'm stuck. We can't move out anytime soon, we need to sell our house, I need to get a job, Jason is still waiting on getting a job on base, we both want to go to school, but we can't because we need to get back on our feet first. I tend to worry about things too much and I've been trying harder to not let things get to me. I know in the end something will work out & everything will be back to normal--whatever that may be. Well, to me that's living in our place again & living our lives separately from my parents. I don't like how I feel so dependent on them. Right now, I just feel stuck & I don't know how long it'll take to get out. I know it'll happen eventually & I have faith that it will happen when it's suppose to. Last night just really took all the worries off my mind & it was so liberating. There were countless times when I couldn't even go my turn because I was laughing so hard. & I tried to say something & it sounded like I was drunk, haha. Last night also proved to me that even though me & my friends don't see each other as much as we used to, it's okay because we always pick up right where we left off.

just one word

 Why yes...another entry! So yesterday was Valentine's Day & for us it was just any old day. We usually don't do anything more than we would do because Valentine's Day should be everyday. For some reason I wanted more yesterday though. For the first half of the day I was kind of bumming around (I had a headache too) thinking to myself: I want flowers. I want chocolate. I want to go out to eat. blah blah blah. When I know for a fact that we can't & any other year we've never celebrated this 'holiday.' I finally got over this 'I want' thing when I looked at Matti & told Jason, "let's make today about Matti." When I was coming towards the end of my pregnancy, a lady approached me at Wal-Mart (cause apparently when you're pregnant, that's what happens) to talk to me. After talking for a little bit she congratulated me & as she walked away she said, "If you think you love your husband a lot and you can't possibly love anymore, wait until you have your little boy." I can't even describe what I feel for that little man. "True parenting is allowing your heart to go walking around outside your body." I want nothing but the best for him. I want him to feel loved always. Sometimes I feel that I'm not doing my best as a mother. People always tell me that I'm doing such a good job, but when it comes to the times when he refuses to listen to me, when I don't know what to do when he's having a tantrum, or I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not. I hear it but I don't feel it. It sucks & it hurts. But then we have days like days from this weekend. He's never called me mommy & mama was never consistent. He'd call my mom mama & it hurt me. Out of the blue, he calls out 'mommy' & when I turn to look at him, he's looking right at me with a smile on his face. Mommy. Then this morning, he said, "Dad!" and Jake took him out of his crib. As always, Jake puts Matti on the bed & comes to me, but today, he says, "Mommy" and plants a kiss on me. All my doubts, all my worries, went away with just one word. Mommy.

January

I've decided to do monthly updates since I really can't find anything interesting to talk about. So, here is January.

All in all, January was a pretty good month. A few job opportunities came up, but were quickly squashed. =/ Everything happens for a reason. Here are some pictures to pretty much sum up the month.
We decided to make use of our library cards & really focus on reading with Matti. He used to just flip through them & not really have any interest. Now, he will sit through a book & keep asking for more. :)

Baby boy got his second haircut! He was digging through grandpa's (Jason's dad) remote drawer. Then, grandpa came home & this was how excited he got.

This was my view for our ride up to PA with Kenny, Michelle & Baby K from the third row. I think the cousins (baby K & Matti) were able to bond that weekend ;) Also, we decided that when we buy a new vehicle, it will be a van!

The love for Elmo has multiplied. Matti also has learned a lot of new words this past month. I've counted 41 & he's still going. :) Nap time is also my favorite because I get to have some 'me' time, but when I look at pictures like this, all I want to do is wake him up! haha...

So, that's January. February is so far a good month. We just had two huge snow storms/blizzards & I am so happy to see the sun! See you next month ;)