Veiling

Please bare with me, I'm not the best writer and sometimes I can't express into words what I'm feeling. Here's me trying.

I've been wanting to write this for a long time but I am just now getting to it. I looked back on this blog to see when I mentioned veiling last and that was easy to do since I've neglected this poor thing.  So, a year ago tomorrow (August 30, when I started writing this), I mentioned that I was still praying about veiling, but felt that it would happen soon. I knew that my little heart needed more work.

In the beginning of October 2012, our community (Families in Christ Jesus) had our annual National Gathering in Virginia. Of course we had to go. It was then that I wore my veil for the first time.  I bought my veil a week or two before without knowing when I would wear it for thefirst time. Jason was more ready than I was! At the gathering, I was so nervous when we were walking into the church. I put it on, walked in, and tried not to look at anyone. The church was full of people that I knew from all over the United States. I should've been comfortable. We found seats and once Mass started, I looked around. To my surprise, I wasn't alone in veiling! I was so excited :) At our home church, there are a few people that do veil, but I don't see them on a regular basis. When I see other women veiling, I feel some sort of connection to them, and I just get so happy. After that, any anxiousness that I had were gone. The weekend was amazing and being able to veil in a place with hundreds of people who shared the same love for God made the weekend even more amazing. & that is the start of my veiling.

Making the Decision

My journey to veil wasn't a quick one. In my high school years, I noticed that there was a family in our church where the mother and daughters wore veils. I never thought much about it and never looked deeper as to why they did it. Many, many years later, in the spring of 2012, curiousity struck me. For some reason, veiling came into my mind and I decided to find out why some women wore veils.

The  first thing that I came across was 1 Corinthians 11:3-16.

But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and a husband the head of his wife, and God the head of Christ. Any man who prays or prophesies with his head covered brings shame upon his head. But any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled brings shame upon her head, for it is one and the same thing as if she had had her head shaved. For if a woman does not have her head veiled, she may as well have her hair cut off. But if it is shameful for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should wear a veil. A man, on the other hand, should not cover his head, because he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; nor was man created for woman, but woman for man; for this reason a woman should have a sign of authority on her head, because of the angels. Woman is not independent of man or man of woman in the Lord. For just as woman came from man, so man is born of woman; but all things are from God. Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head unveiled? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears his hair long it is a disgrace to him, whereas if a woman has long hair it is her glory, because long hair has been given (her) for a covering? But if anyone is inclined to be argumentative, we do not have such a custom, nor do the churches of God.

There it was. So, I kept looking and it led me to Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Now, I know that these two readings, especially the second one, are one of the most controversial readings in the Bible. It is often misunderstood. I've been to Masses where priests have admitted that it is one of the homilies they try to keep short because it comes off in a negative way to some people. I have heard this myself and I do my best to try to explain whenever I am asked about this.

It's no question, obviously, that I accept these readings. I very proudly submit to my husband, but more importantly to God. Now, when I say I submit to my husband, I usually get one of the following responses:

1. Are you serious?   (YES!)
2. Do you really believe that? (Absolutely.)
3. So, he makes all the decisions? (Absolutely not)

Or if Jason and I consult each other before coming to a decision, we usually get:
1. Just make the decision. You don't need to talk to him/her.
2. Man up, Jake! (Not in those words but you can try to guess what is really said)

To try to make it short. It was very easy for me to accept this because I have a truly amazing husband. He is a strong man of faith and is not afraid to tell the world. He is not afraid to live it. I already knew that the Church is the bride of Christ and that Christ is the head of the Church. That's easy enough to say yes to. I also believe that a marriage has God-given roles to each person to make it all work out beautifully. If you just follow Him, then it will be alright. As a couple, we knew that already. As long as he focuses on his roles and I focus on mine, everything is in harmony. I don't mean to be cheesy or anything, but it's so true! Put God first and it all just falls into place. Submitting to my husband doesn't mean he makes all the decisions in our life. No. Absolutely not. We always come together to discuss whatever it may be. No matter what it is. We each voice our feelings on it and if a conclusion can't be made MY role is to let him make the final decision. Ah, there it is. He does make the decisions. Nope. I can say that I trust and have full faith in my husband that he will make the choice that is the best for our family. I know that he will never make a decision based on just what he wants. I know that my husband will bring God into his decision and that He will lead him to the right one. Since I have full faith in that and know that God has a hand in it, I am okay with him making that decision. Submitting to my husband doesn't mean that he orders me around and I am a slave to him. No, that is not what God wants and my husband knows that. Just like I have to put God first, so does he. The reading from Ephesians is really beautiful if you read it. It tells the husband to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. To love his wife like he loves himself. To sanctify her. All these things that husband is asked to do for their wives. What are the wives told to do? Respect your husband. That's it.

I submit to my husband and he submits to God. So that means that I submit myself to God. My submission means fully letting go and letting Him take control of everything in my life. Submitting to His will. Whether it is for our marriage, family, children, jobs, myself, the kids, future kids...anything...I leave it to Him and that's one of the main reasons why I veil. We've gotten a few head scratches and "I don't get it" in some decisions, but in the end, it was what we were led to.

Okay, so I did my research and knew that this was something I would do at some point. Not now, but sometime soon. I decided to pray about it. I really felt it drawing me in, but for some reason, I didn't feel ready. I prayed for months. During that time, I read something that said to not veil until your heart is veiled. That really touched me. I knew my heart needed a lot of work! I battled myself and was very worried about what people would think of me. I kept thinking that no one regularly veils at our church and all eyes would be on me! I was very self-conscious. There was also something deeper that I didn't realize that was keeping me from feeling that I was ready. Once I figured out what it was, I felt absolutely ready. At that point, I was doing my best to let God do His thing with my life. I said that I submitted all things of my life to him...so I thought. Matti was four years old and Josiah was one. The thought of another child terrified me. I was taking control of that aspect of my life and not letting Him take control like I said I was doing. I preached it, but I was not walking the walk. When I finally realized this, I never looked back. I completely submitted every aspect of my life and truly let go. I was open to life like I should have been in the first place. October 2012, at our community's National Gathering, I veiled for the first time. It felt so right and all my self-consciousness? Gone. Was I worried about people looking at me? Nope. It felt amazing to just fully submit and that is another reason why I veil. My submission to God.

The last big reason I veil is simple. Jesus Christ himself. I veil when I'm in the church, go to Mass, and to adoration. As Catholics, we believe that Jesus comes into our presence and that He is there with us. When we take communion, we are following the tradition He left for us. We consume Him and He is within us. I veil myself to show my reverence and to give Him ALL the glory. I feel like I'm saying, "Lord, it's not about me, it's all about You. Everything I am and all I do, is for You. It's all for You." It's a reminder to myself to really focus on what we are celebrating. When I am behind the veil, all the distractions are blocked out and I am in my own world of calm. It's an indescribable feeling. To me, wearing a veil is like an imitation of Mary in her humility and her submissiveness. Mary very easily said yes when she was told that she was going to have a child. She was so obedient and trusted God that in Luke 1:38 it says:

And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.

Let it be done to me according to your word.

She is the perfect example of how we should be obedient to God's word and to just leave it all to Him.

It took me seven months to feel ready to veil. I don't feel that women should be forced to veil. I think if you feel drawn to it, pray about it. Leave everything to God and He will answer your prayers. My veil is a part of me and in the past year, I've grown so much spiritually and as a person. It becomes a great reminder of how much God truly cares for us. Leaving it all in His hands has made life that much easier.

Lastly, in 1917 Code of Canon Law stated that women should cover their head. In 1983, it was not mentioned so it was no longer an obligation for women to do. I'm guessing that's when a lot of
 people stopped wearing it. I know others continued to do so for their own reasons. I think that's what great about it now. I don't feel that it should be mandatory. In the past year, I've had people ask me the reason for the veil and I've seen more women veiling. It's a personal choice between the woman and God. That's it. I get really excited when I see others wearing a veil and I want to hear their veil stories. It's not that common at our church so I find it so beautiful when I see another woman veiling.

I know this was really long. I've wanted to write this for such a long time. I wanted to share my story since people have asked me about the "thing on my head." :)

I'll leave you with this link in case you want even more reading ;) and pictures of me from last Sunday. Until next time!

http://www.ewtn.com/expert/answers/head_coverings_in_church.htm