Matti, Josiah, and me :)

Where did the summer go?

Seriously. Matti started Kindergarten yesterday! Last year, he was only in school for half the day in the afternoon. This year he will be there all day! It is a big adjustment for all of us. No more "sleeping in." It's only day two, but he is adjusting okay. He was so excited to go to school and when he got home, he was all smiles. It was too sweet. I think one of my posts will just be pictures one day. I'm way overdue :) His two friends from last year aren't in class with him this year, but Matti says he will meet new friends in his class. Lucky for him, his two friends live right behind us so we really need to get them together for play dates since they really didn't play at all this summer. More on that later. I can't believe I have a 5 year old. I can't believe I have a Kindergartener. I can't believe he will be learning to write and read this year. Add & subtract. My baby is all grown up! Fo real. We've been practicing reading & writing this summer, but I'm excited to see his progress at school since they have better skills as far as those subjects go. I'm so excited for him!

Josiah turned two in the beginning of the month. We had a combined Ninja Turtles party and they both had so much fun. We even made ooey gooey ooze! Josiah has grown so much in the past few months. He talks so much & the sentences he puts together surprise me most of the time. The kid is so smart and I swear he will be a musician or something. He's got such a good ear and can pretty much repeat whatever he's heard. Since Kuya is at school all day, we  get to have one on one time which is pretty special to him. & me because in about two years, he will be leaving me for school, too.

Like I said, this summer has just flown by. A lot of things happened that were not in our control and most of the summer was spent being sick or feeling sick. I feel so bad for Matti because I was in such a crappy mood that he didn't get to play with his friends that much. A few weeks after school ended, I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3 who is named Micah Elisha. I was eight weeks pregnant and we were waiting to tell our families until a little later on. The excitement was very much there and we almost told everyone on July 4th (we found out June 30). We were leaving for Myrtle Beach on July 6th. On the evening of the 4th, I started to have some bleeding. It made me a little uneasy, but I knew that in some pregnancies, there can be bleeding. I monitored it for the night & into the next morning. I gave my doctor a call and she asked me to come in that Friday. My blood was drawn & they told me to take it easy and to come back on Monday to get another blood draw. They were checking my HCG level (the pregnancy hormone) to see if the numbers would increase over the weekend. We told them about our trip to Myrtle Beach and they said that it would be fine to travel. Again, some women bleed throughout pregnancies & I felt fine. I had two healthy pregnancies before so there was no cause for alarm. & on Friday, go figure, the bleeding had calmed down. They just advised me to go to the hospital on Monday to get my blood drawn so we can compare it to Friday's results. We told my family at dinner because we wanted them to keep us in their prayers & most especially our baby. So, off to Myrtle Beach we went. That whole Saturday, was a day in the car pretty much. I was uncomfortable but I wasn't in pain. I just felt very bloated/full in my belly & like I needed to use the bathroom. The bleeding  was more than Thursday's & Friday's but I wasn't in pain. It's very unnerving to see bleeding while you are pregnant. I think in my mind I knew what was happening, but I was trying to think positive. EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT. THIS ONE JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIFFERENT. I know that whatever is going to happen is according to God's will. That was the reason I stayed calm. We got to MB that night and we ordered pizza for dinner since the group was too big to eat at a restaurant at that hour and we were tired! At dinner, we told everyone (there was about three families--very big families lol) since we would be with them that whole week & they are pretty much our family too. Everyone cheered and there were a few "I thought you were pregnant a few weeks ago." Then, we added the BUT. That we were having some issues and we needed their prayers for myself and for our baby. Still, the mood was very happy and just a lot of excitement. We went to bed and the next morning, I felt fine. There was no bloated feeling, there was no feeling of going to the bathroom. I felt completely fine. I remember feeling a sense of relief. That it would be okay. We went about our morning. Some people went for an early swim. I was still taking it easy so I stayed in the room with my brother. I was making my coffee when I felt something very obvious pass. OH NO. That was my first thought. I was talking to someone and they told me that if a miscarriage was to happen, you will know. I was worried about flushing my baby down the toilet without realizing it. So, OH NO. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, it happened. I told my brother to call Jason who was walking around with Josiah. He eventually came back to the room and I showed him our baby. I told him, "I'm pretty sure this is our baby." I had Micah in a Ziploc (I hated that we had to keep Micah in that) since that was all we had. You could see and feel the sac and if you looked, you could see a tiny little baby in there. Our sweet Baby Micah. We were at a loss of what to do next. Jason wanted to go to the ER right away, but I felt a very strong feeling of going to Mass first. It was a Sunday and like any other Sunday I  have a strong urge for Mass. & that Sunday, it was even stronger. After talking about it, we decided to go after Mass. Thanks, ba! The first reading really got to me. Isaiah 66:13 says, "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." I still hadn't cried at that point, but when I read that, I knew that's why I wanted to come to Mass. He was there for me when I needed Him. He comforted me without me asking. It affirmed my feeling that everything happens for a reason. & that although we hurt at the loss of our baby, it will be okay. God has a greater plan than all of us and I'm okay with that plan. I submitted my life to Him. I trust in Him. He knows what he is doing. That's something I've always said and it was very easy to say that before. When something like this happens, it's easy to get angry. It's easy to doubt. It's easy to ask God why it happened to you. SO. SO. EASY. For me, I put all my trust in Him. I'm sad that we lost our baby. I am, but I am so happy that Micah is in heaven. That Micah is in God's arms. That we have a sweet little angel watching over us and praying for us. That my boys will always have their baby with them. Our sweet baby never felt hate. Just pure love. The week we knew about Micah was filled with so much love and happiness. Our sweet baby never felt pain. Pure love. I think that's what helped me a lot. I'm so thankful that my faith is where it's at right now. I don't know where I would be or how I would react if I wasn't where I'm at. Yes, I'm sad my baby is gone. I'm sad my boys will never get to play with Micah. There are times when I think about how Micah should be kicking now. & I know I will think that as I go on in life. Micah lives in us and through us. Our boys know Micah Elisha. They know about their baby and they will continue to as long as we all live.
So, anyway. We went to the ER after Mass and after many hours, they confirmed that there was "no obvious signs of pregnancy." My levels were in the 600s when they should've been in the 1000s. All I wanted to do was get back to our room and hug my sweet boys. I spent that week mostly in the room since I had to really take it easy because of blood loss. I almost needed a blood transfusion. My levels were at a 7 when they should be closer to 13. I spent a lot of time in with the boys and Jason and that was the vacation we needed. Thank you, for Your hidden blessings. Everything that has happened since then has been such a whirlwind. I will do a separate post strictly for Micah and the funeral service that we had. God has been amazing this summer. I feel like I say this a lot, but I really do feel that I am where I'm supposed to be in life. I have more than I could ask for and He continues to bless us abundantly. So, for those that were there these past few months: THANK YOU. Even a simple, "I'm thinking of you" was more than enough. I just hope that we can repay you all and show you just how much we appreciate all that was done for us.

Just to try to finish this up. Since the miscarriage, I've had issues with my hemoglobin and iron being low. After three weeks of medication, my hemoglobin only went from a 7 to a 7.4 which is very discouraging. After a week, I ended up in the ER for fainting and although that was worrisome, it wasn't because of my iron levels. Praise God! It was a vasovagal response which is pretty common. The good news is that my hemoglobin made its way up to an 8.3! After we left the ER, we were back with Josiah because he got to close to a cat and it bit him. He is recovering just fine. Lesson learned, I hope. So, after a lot of tiredness, nausea, ER, and doctor visits, I think I'm finally getting better. I feel much better as well. I pray my levels continue to rise and stay where it's supposed to be. It stinks that I spent most of the summer sick. The doctors were surprised that I was still walking around with my levels so low. We think that I was anemic for a while and it became a normal for me. Now, that I feel somewhat better, I do think I was a little sluggish. I just thought I was a sleepy head ;) It just sucks that what I thought was normal for me wasn't. Now, I look back and think of all the times we could've made it to the park or library, but now I'm looking forward to those trips now. My boys mean the world to me and I just want to get healthy for them. They need a happy & healthy mommy :)