Matti, Josiah, and me :)

Where did the summer go?

Seriously. Matti started Kindergarten yesterday! Last year, he was only in school for half the day in the afternoon. This year he will be there all day! It is a big adjustment for all of us. No more "sleeping in." It's only day two, but he is adjusting okay. He was so excited to go to school and when he got home, he was all smiles. It was too sweet. I think one of my posts will just be pictures one day. I'm way overdue :) His two friends from last year aren't in class with him this year, but Matti says he will meet new friends in his class. Lucky for him, his two friends live right behind us so we really need to get them together for play dates since they really didn't play at all this summer. More on that later. I can't believe I have a 5 year old. I can't believe I have a Kindergartener. I can't believe he will be learning to write and read this year. Add & subtract. My baby is all grown up! Fo real. We've been practicing reading & writing this summer, but I'm excited to see his progress at school since they have better skills as far as those subjects go. I'm so excited for him!

Josiah turned two in the beginning of the month. We had a combined Ninja Turtles party and they both had so much fun. We even made ooey gooey ooze! Josiah has grown so much in the past few months. He talks so much & the sentences he puts together surprise me most of the time. The kid is so smart and I swear he will be a musician or something. He's got such a good ear and can pretty much repeat whatever he's heard. Since Kuya is at school all day, we  get to have one on one time which is pretty special to him. & me because in about two years, he will be leaving me for school, too.

Like I said, this summer has just flown by. A lot of things happened that were not in our control and most of the summer was spent being sick or feeling sick. I feel so bad for Matti because I was in such a crappy mood that he didn't get to play with his friends that much. A few weeks after school ended, I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3 who is named Micah Elisha. I was eight weeks pregnant and we were waiting to tell our families until a little later on. The excitement was very much there and we almost told everyone on July 4th (we found out June 30). We were leaving for Myrtle Beach on July 6th. On the evening of the 4th, I started to have some bleeding. It made me a little uneasy, but I knew that in some pregnancies, there can be bleeding. I monitored it for the night & into the next morning. I gave my doctor a call and she asked me to come in that Friday. My blood was drawn & they told me to take it easy and to come back on Monday to get another blood draw. They were checking my HCG level (the pregnancy hormone) to see if the numbers would increase over the weekend. We told them about our trip to Myrtle Beach and they said that it would be fine to travel. Again, some women bleed throughout pregnancies & I felt fine. I had two healthy pregnancies before so there was no cause for alarm. & on Friday, go figure, the bleeding had calmed down. They just advised me to go to the hospital on Monday to get my blood drawn so we can compare it to Friday's results. We told my family at dinner because we wanted them to keep us in their prayers & most especially our baby. So, off to Myrtle Beach we went. That whole Saturday, was a day in the car pretty much. I was uncomfortable but I wasn't in pain. I just felt very bloated/full in my belly & like I needed to use the bathroom. The bleeding  was more than Thursday's & Friday's but I wasn't in pain. It's very unnerving to see bleeding while you are pregnant. I think in my mind I knew what was happening, but I was trying to think positive. EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT. THIS ONE JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIFFERENT. I know that whatever is going to happen is according to God's will. That was the reason I stayed calm. We got to MB that night and we ordered pizza for dinner since the group was too big to eat at a restaurant at that hour and we were tired! At dinner, we told everyone (there was about three families--very big families lol) since we would be with them that whole week & they are pretty much our family too. Everyone cheered and there were a few "I thought you were pregnant a few weeks ago." Then, we added the BUT. That we were having some issues and we needed their prayers for myself and for our baby. Still, the mood was very happy and just a lot of excitement. We went to bed and the next morning, I felt fine. There was no bloated feeling, there was no feeling of going to the bathroom. I felt completely fine. I remember feeling a sense of relief. That it would be okay. We went about our morning. Some people went for an early swim. I was still taking it easy so I stayed in the room with my brother. I was making my coffee when I felt something very obvious pass. OH NO. That was my first thought. I was talking to someone and they told me that if a miscarriage was to happen, you will know. I was worried about flushing my baby down the toilet without realizing it. So, OH NO. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, it happened. I told my brother to call Jason who was walking around with Josiah. He eventually came back to the room and I showed him our baby. I told him, "I'm pretty sure this is our baby." I had Micah in a Ziploc (I hated that we had to keep Micah in that) since that was all we had. You could see and feel the sac and if you looked, you could see a tiny little baby in there. Our sweet Baby Micah. We were at a loss of what to do next. Jason wanted to go to the ER right away, but I felt a very strong feeling of going to Mass first. It was a Sunday and like any other Sunday I  have a strong urge for Mass. & that Sunday, it was even stronger. After talking about it, we decided to go after Mass. Thanks, ba! The first reading really got to me. Isaiah 66:13 says, "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." I still hadn't cried at that point, but when I read that, I knew that's why I wanted to come to Mass. He was there for me when I needed Him. He comforted me without me asking. It affirmed my feeling that everything happens for a reason. & that although we hurt at the loss of our baby, it will be okay. God has a greater plan than all of us and I'm okay with that plan. I submitted my life to Him. I trust in Him. He knows what he is doing. That's something I've always said and it was very easy to say that before. When something like this happens, it's easy to get angry. It's easy to doubt. It's easy to ask God why it happened to you. SO. SO. EASY. For me, I put all my trust in Him. I'm sad that we lost our baby. I am, but I am so happy that Micah is in heaven. That Micah is in God's arms. That we have a sweet little angel watching over us and praying for us. That my boys will always have their baby with them. Our sweet baby never felt hate. Just pure love. The week we knew about Micah was filled with so much love and happiness. Our sweet baby never felt pain. Pure love. I think that's what helped me a lot. I'm so thankful that my faith is where it's at right now. I don't know where I would be or how I would react if I wasn't where I'm at. Yes, I'm sad my baby is gone. I'm sad my boys will never get to play with Micah. There are times when I think about how Micah should be kicking now. & I know I will think that as I go on in life. Micah lives in us and through us. Our boys know Micah Elisha. They know about their baby and they will continue to as long as we all live.
So, anyway. We went to the ER after Mass and after many hours, they confirmed that there was "no obvious signs of pregnancy." My levels were in the 600s when they should've been in the 1000s. All I wanted to do was get back to our room and hug my sweet boys. I spent that week mostly in the room since I had to really take it easy because of blood loss. I almost needed a blood transfusion. My levels were at a 7 when they should be closer to 13. I spent a lot of time in with the boys and Jason and that was the vacation we needed. Thank you, for Your hidden blessings. Everything that has happened since then has been such a whirlwind. I will do a separate post strictly for Micah and the funeral service that we had. God has been amazing this summer. I feel like I say this a lot, but I really do feel that I am where I'm supposed to be in life. I have more than I could ask for and He continues to bless us abundantly. So, for those that were there these past few months: THANK YOU. Even a simple, "I'm thinking of you" was more than enough. I just hope that we can repay you all and show you just how much we appreciate all that was done for us.

Just to try to finish this up. Since the miscarriage, I've had issues with my hemoglobin and iron being low. After three weeks of medication, my hemoglobin only went from a 7 to a 7.4 which is very discouraging. After a week, I ended up in the ER for fainting and although that was worrisome, it wasn't because of my iron levels. Praise God! It was a vasovagal response which is pretty common. The good news is that my hemoglobin made its way up to an 8.3! After we left the ER, we were back with Josiah because he got to close to a cat and it bit him. He is recovering just fine. Lesson learned, I hope. So, after a lot of tiredness, nausea, ER, and doctor visits, I think I'm finally getting better. I feel much better as well. I pray my levels continue to rise and stay where it's supposed to be. It stinks that I spent most of the summer sick. The doctors were surprised that I was still walking around with my levels so low. We think that I was anemic for a while and it became a normal for me. Now, that I feel somewhat better, I do think I was a little sluggish. I just thought I was a sleepy head ;) It just sucks that what I thought was normal for me wasn't. Now, I look back and think of all the times we could've made it to the park or library, but now I'm looking forward to those trips now. My boys mean the world to me and I just want to get healthy for them. They need a happy & healthy mommy :)

You always find your way back.

I haven't been able to be update in quite while due to many things, but I'll slowly try to come back. I've slacked on a lot of things which includes taking pictures. Which makes me sad. I feel that I've documented our lives pretty well until I had Josiah. Things just got to be too much and I had to refocus. Get my act together. It's not altogether just yet, but it's getting there. 

Just for a rundown on what I may or may not elaborate on at another time:

-Cloth Diaper switch around August last year 

-Matti finished his first year of school 

-Veiling & whether I've made the decision to wear it or not

-Extended rear facing & extended harnessing 

-Orange Rhino 

Who am I kidding? Those are things that I absolutely do want to talk about! I feel like I've changed in the past few months as far as my parenting and found a few things that I've become very passionate about.  I hope to share my thoughts about it in hopes of spreading the word. I've been a mom for just five years and I'm still learning. I don't know everything. I don't say I'm better than you because we don't have the same practices. It's just that I wish I knew the things I know now when I first became a mother. Sorry if I come off the wrong way, but that's not my intention at all. I give out the information in case it's something new to other parents.  I don't know it all, but I do know that I love being a mom. I've never felt so comfortable doing anything in my life. I can say and fully believe that one of the reasons I am here is because to be a mother. So, I hope that for those that still check on me once in a a while or get an email saying I wrote a new blog will keep reading. Until next time...take care! 

Wear your babies!

Baby wearing

I've always heard that every baby is different. My 2 boys are just that. 

MJ was a very independent (and still is) baby. He could entertain himself, he was fine in a swing, bouncer, crib, etc. He was an easy baby. He ate, played, and slept. Throw in diaper changes and baths and you're good! He set his routine early on and I was thankful. Let me just say, I didn't just leave him alone all the time. Not at all! I just found it very easy to do things around the house and even make 3.5 hour trips alone! (that's impossible with bbJ lol) There really wasn't a need for me to wear him. I had a Snugli (yea, I know...I'm embarrassed for myself) but I didnt know better. I tried with MJ and it wasn't 'right' for us. A big chunk of it was probably because that thing was so uncomfortable! For me and definitely for him! (those type of carriers are terrible for babies!) This time around, I've fallen in love with baby wearing. I love the fact that I can be there for my baby when he longs for touch and be able to do things like a normal person.

So, once bbJ arrived, I did what came naturally to care for him. Very early on, I knew he was a different baby 'compared' to his brother. ( I try not to compare them, but I just want the differences emphasized. ) this was all new to me. My baby needed to nurse, be held, be touched, be entertained,  be around people...constantly. On a rare occasion he would tolerate bouncers or the swing, but only for 5-10 mins. Which is nothing when you have a 3 year old to tend to. My husband would take him when he could but soon after, bbJ would need to eat. It's amazing how much he knew it was me. Or if I had walked into a room, he would know! Routines have never worked with him. What worked one day or even earlier in the day, never worked the next or hours later. I learned quick that there is nothing known with bbJ except that he needed to be touched. A month into this world, we bought a Moby wrap. I wanted one with MJ but I never really needed it. With bbJ, I needed it bad! The first time we used it, I felt so free! How good it felt to stretch my arms out! To sit down and have a meal using both hands! I was in love with it and so was bbJ. He loved being snuggled up to mommy all warm and taking in mommy's smell. I fell in love with baby wearing. I loved that he was finally content but most of all, that he was so close to me all the time. The smell of babies, staring at his sweet face while he slept, that first smile when he woke up...priceless. These moments are forever etched in my mind. Those times with him being so little were short lived. Babies are babies for such a short time so I was cherishing every moment of it. I was able to while taking care of my 3 year old. Very slowly, life was becoming more normal. 

Now, he's a walking, babbling, and non stop one year old. He still longs for touch but not to the extent of his baby days. He's a very happy baby and we still love baby wearing. I know it will help calm him down. I know if I need to do something, he's going for a ride. Usually, he falls asleep. I can't see myself not baby wearing any future babies. We now have a soft structured carrier and I carry him on my back. Hubby does too but it's a daily thing for bbJ and me :) you can often find us literally hanging out while dancing around the house cleaning! our carrier can also carry our 4 year old and we've tested it and it works just as good. Pain free ha ha. 

With bbJ being one and walking, it seems a lot of people feel that baby wearing isn't necessary. I've heard a few "put that baby down" but I know what he needs or wants. He gets plenty of 'down' time but he loves nothing more than going for a piggy back ride. I can't complain because I love our carrier, ha ha. We rarely use a stroller now too. So we will see how our baby wearing continues. We are completely in love! 

If you have a very touchy/feely baby, I highly recommend investing in a good carrier! I recommend Moby or similar wraps during the first year and soft structured carriers (SSC), like Boba or Ergo, once they grow out of the wraps. Carriers are definitely an investment! I absolutely do not recommend 'crotch dangler' carriers like the Snugli & Bjorn. They are the worst for your babies! 

Le updates

We have been so busy the past month! I'm going to break it down like usual to update on everything.

Jaces

I feel weird writing about us first since I always out the boys first, but it makes more sense this way. As usual, we try to spend us much time together as possible. It's awesome that we have what we have. It's hard to explain, but the flow in our household just seems to be so smooth. We do what we need to do and things just work out. We are still attending our households and we are just growing more as a couple and individually, too. It's an amazing thing to sit back and watch your spouse grow in their faith. I'm thankful I found such a good faithful man who truly strives to live his life like Jesus Christ.

Jason

He still works nights but we just found out that in a few weeks he will be switching to days. (so bummed, but I will explain later) we weighed out the pros and cons and although we prefer nights, partly because he's got an awesome friend in there haha, for our family at this time, we felt it would be a good idea to switch. We are excited since we will be able to have dinner together as a family and that we can finally have somewhat of a normal schedule. He is still in the Reserves. He's actually there now, and pretty soon will be going to school. Once that is done, we will face deployment. Absolutely not looking forward to that but we will be just fine.

Frances...that's me!

I'm still at home with the boys and loving it. I love being here while the boys are young. I still miss working and I struggle that battle more than I should, but I'm much better now. Patience, the time will come. That said, about a month ago I was offered a full time position at the bank. They absolutely wanted me and was working with me for my hours since Jason works nights. For three days, I went through a roller coaster of emotions. It seemed like what we needed, what I needed, etc at that time. As the days went on, it became more clear that it wasn't what we needed. I didn't really want to believe it, because I'm stubborn. A lot of people didn't really understand why I turned it down, but it was a decision we left up to God and in the end realized that it would've been bad for our family. I would work in the day just to get home so Jason can leave for work. And by the time he comes home, I'm heading to bed. That may work for some families but not ours. Yes, you do what you need to do, but this wasn't a need....not that much. What our need and what we want for our family is time together. We've done our time apart. A big thing that was important to us was that if I worked, the boys would rarely see mommy and daddy together. One would always be at work. That's not what we want--seeing parents together is a big thing for us. If Jason was going to days soon, at the time he was not, I probably would've taken it. So a month later, we find out he is going to days, and I'm just bummed about it. Not too much since I know it's not the time. I know that even more now. I'm still praying about veiling but I know it's something I will be doing. Maybe very soon. I feel the Lord needs to work a little more on this heart of mine. 

Matti

Well, the biggest news on this big boy is that he started school! Just last week! We found out two weeks ago. I was just coming to terms that he would be home with me for another year. So, when we got the letter, I cried. Tears mostly of joy and also tears of sadness. It went from a whole year with him to just barely two weeks! This mommy was not ready! I am extremely happy and excited for him though! it was just hard to believe that he really is a big boy now! I also was having a hard time knowing I had to trust others with my kid. 4 years together...just me and him. Anyway, he absolutely loves school! He comes home so excited and sings songs he learned. I love hearing about his day. The second day, he told his teacher he couldn't hear the song since she was singing. Oops. He came home with a note at the end of the week and the teacher relieved the fears I had with him struggling to listen or follow directions. He's just the opposite..yay! She had positive things to say about him.  We were told a few times that Matti speaks a lot for his age and very clearly, too. I thought he mumbled a lot haha. He's not shy at all from what we have seen. He loves his paraeducator, and I told him in time, he'd love his teacher too. I think he's warming up to her. I don't think that he liked that she was the boss. He rides the bus to and from school and he just loves it. It makes me nervous but seeing him so excited about it, helps take most of it away. I'm really scared he'd get lost or something. His transition to school has been smooth. This week is his first full week. 

Josiah

This guy turned one earlier this month. It's still hard to believe. I'm still amazed by the changes babies go through in the first year of life. He is starting to walk alone more. He has taken as much as ten steps on his own. Matti walked at 13 months so we are getting close to Kuya's mark. Oh! He climbs onto the couch and anything else he is able to. He signs for milk and all done. He says some things (night night, mama, dada, ooooya for kuya, dog, door, hao for hello).. He high fives, waves bye, pretends to be on the phone, plays peek a boo, and so much more. He tries to do whatever his brother is doing. I love watching them together. Pretty soon we will have our time together and that'll be nice for him. 

We are doing great just keeping busy with the boys, meetings, and family. We're hoping to get to see our friends more often once he goes to days since we will be normal, haha. That's the big rundown of it all. There are so many things I want to talk about more. I really hope to be able to find the time. Until next time! 

Where has my baby gone?

We have been so busy this month. The house is ridiculous! I plan on catching up this week. Matti had his pool party this past Saturday at our family friend's house. It turned out pretty good and the weather cooperated too. It's been insanely hot here but Saturday was tolerable.

Today, Matti had his check up. He is 29 lbs and 40 inches tall (I think). While we were waiting for the doctor, matti was drawing on the paper that they laid out, lol. He wrote his name and was doodling. She eventually came in while Matti was talking and Matti stopped lol. He showed her his work and she was impressed. She did the routine check up while asking him questions to get him talking. He was so shy! So, I just need to go to the doctors to get him to be quiet haha since he is non stop normally. She asked him to draw shapes, an "X" and to draw Mommy or Daddy. Now I wish I had taken a picture! He hopped on each leg, balanced on each leg and did all she asked. The nurse took him for his eye check and named the shapes and figures on the chart. I had to cover each eye and he missed a few of the smaller pictures but it didn't worry them yet. We're keeping an eye out for that though. Jason & I both wear glasses but I'm hoping he won't need them so soon. He's where he's supposed to be on the charts. Gained 4 lbs and grew half an inch. Although, she thought he would grow more...so he might be taking after me! We talked about school and had his first school check up. Waahhh! :( I asked about getting allergy testing done since he hasn't had one yet. I'd be sad if he grew out of the nut allergy and he's missing out on PB&J sandwiches! She told us to schedule an appointment with an allergist since his results 2 years ago showed increased levels to nut and milk. So that's our next step. other than that, everything was perfect! She was happy to see him doing so well and that he seemed "advanced for a 4 year old." makes me a proud momma! I really need to quit worrying and looking elsewhere since apparently, he's doing just fine. Four years old. I can't believe it. This year is a little harder than the past four. He's really a big boy now.

Let's be adults here....

...and talk about breastfeeding. Yep. How does that make you feel?

Josiah is 8 (now 10..took me a while to post) months old and yes, we are still breastfeeding. Still. I've already had people come to me and ask when we're going to stop. Frankly, I'm not sure. Or say, "You're still doing that?" yes, I'm still doing THAT. Breastfeeding. It's okay, you can say it. It's the most natural thing a woman can do for her child. It's okay. Can you tell me why it's okay for a woman to wear daringly low cut shirts and it be okay, but when a woman goes to feed her baby in public, it's gross? I don't get it. I'm not going to flash my boob for the world to see. When I've had to nurse in public, I've made sure you, the public, can't see anything. thankfully, I've never had anyone say anything to me but I've heard stories of people telling the mom to go to the bathroom. To feed your child?! Why don't you eat there yourself? I've seen looks but never in a bad way. Again, thankfully. I don't know how nice I could be, haha.

I don't mean to be mean but I've finally come to terms with my breastfeeding experience. This has taken me such a long time to finally write about. I want to share my background a little...or a lot since I have a lot to say. My first boy was born in June of 2008. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, but I was far from educated. We breastfed for about a month and a half. All of a sudden my baby wanted to constantly eat and in my uneducated mind, thought he was not getting enough. You know those formula samples you get at the hospital? Well, I supplemented. All of a sudden my baby was doing 4 hour stretches between his hunger times. I thought that I didn't make enough. I know now that at 6 weeks, babies hit a growth spurt. Had I continued to feed him on demand like I should've been, my body would've made more milk to keep up with my baby's needs. The beauty of breastfeeding is it is supply and demand. With me supplementing, I hurt my supply and that's why for 2 weeks I tried desperately to get my baby to feed. Nope. The bottle flowed faster, formula made him fuller and he preferred that. I was sad that was all we could do but I didn't know better.

Sometime between then and when our second son was born in August 2011, I read a lot about breastfeeding. I learned what I failed at during the first attempt and I was determined to breastfeed our second son for as long as I could. I wanted to pass 2 months..if I could make it to 6 months, great! I didn't set a goal. I just said as long as I could. I was so determined and it was the main thing I wanted for my baby. Josiah was born 3 weeks early. We had nothing ready but again, I was just looking forward to start our breastfeeding relationship. Everything was going great until month two when the doctor didn't feel he was gaining enough weight. Josiah ate constantly and I was fine with that. I wanted the absolute best for my baby. I was more than exhausted but I wanted it to work. I was mentally ready for those growth spurts. During month 3, I worked so hard to get him to gain weight. I nursed hourly, pumped, took milk boosting meds, ate oatmeal, upped my water intake even more, I did all I could do. At 4 months, I was sure he had gained weight. To my surprise, he didn't. His curve on his chart made a horizontal line. I was devastated. I was hurt, angry, confused, but most of all just sad. I felt that I was starving my baby. I felt hurt because this is the most natural thing a mother could do, and I couldn't do it. For the second time. I felt I was broken and something was wrong with me. I felt so alone because I felt that no one supported me (except for my husband and a FEW friends). Whenever anyone saw me, their first questions were, "Are you giving him formula yet? You know you can give just a little. Why won't you give him formula? Is he getting real milk yet (what)? He'll sleep better if you give him formula. He's so small! (well he was 3 weeks early!) feed that baby! Isn't formula better? Did the doctor tell you to breastfeed first? When can you start formula?" I tried my best to educate those who truly didn't get it and TRIED to be nice when answering but it was getting to me. I felt that every time I was asked a question similar to that, I was being told I wasnt supported in my decision. I didn't understand how those older than me didn't know just how good breastfeeding is. And how they think that small boobs means less milk (it's totally false). Someone actually said this to me. It brought me down more and more and I wanted to prove all of them wrong. So, when I was told I wasn't making enough, I was so sad. Stress is a huge factor and can affect your supply drastically. I feel now that I was so focused on trying to prove them all wrong, and it was stressing me out. I did do it for my baby too, but with us much as much negativity as I was getting, I wanted to prove myself. I was mad at myself and I pretty much started shutting down. I started thinking back as to what I could've done different. I put a lot of blame on myself and I do believe I was at one of the lowest points in my life. Aside from picking on myself, all the people that ever said anything to me about formula came to my mind. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone in fear that I would say something I would regret. So I shut down. At 4 months, we supplemented. I hated the bottle, I hated making the bottle (I was literally angry when I made them), I hated seeing people feed him because half the time, they weren't paying attention and that made me mad. I loved nursing him because of the bond that we have. Looking at him and he's looking back and he flashes a smile as if he's saying thank you. I love you. Bottle feeding at that time felt like people were disconnected. I walked out of rooms when I saw him being fed and the person feeding him was looking around. I was so bitter and angry. Anger eventually turned to sadness. Sad that I had no one to talk to about this. Sad that I do have to supplement. This was taking a toll on our marriage. I felt so down that no matter how hard he tried to help, I couldn't get myself out of that funk. When I did express my feelings, I could never get him to truly understand. He still is my biggest supporter and knows just how important breastfeeding is to us. I continued to breastfeed. I figured getting a little was better than nothing. When he was 7 months old, I went on a Marriage in Christ retreat. I left my baby for the first time and I brought my pump. I didn't know what to expect but I knew we would benefit greatly from it. Saturday afternoon, I needed to pump so while we discussed things, I pumped. When I finished, I had 4 oz! That's the most I've ever seen me pump. Jake was amazed too and told me that it was good I got that much. Just hearing that I believe started my healing. Later that night, we had a session. On one side we wrote a list of people we've hurt. That was hard. On the other side (this exercise I've done at our old youth retreats), you write the names of people that hurt you. I sat there for a while and I started to tear up. I was seeing the faces of people who said those hurtful things to me. Yes, it wasn't their intention, but to me, it hurt. I listed their names and felt a sense of relief. At the end, we had to verbally say, I forgive you and I teared up. It was then I knew I was going to be okay. Since then, I got out of that funk. My attitude was different. Those people may never know but for me to say, "I forgive you." it was enough.

Here we are at 8 (now 10) months. We breastfeed and supplement. I take comments so much better now although I do stress that we breastfeed as well. In a month and a half our goals have changed. When someone asks when we're stopping, my answer is, " whenever Josiah is ready." I don't look forward to that day but I'm going to cherish these moments while we have them. I do realize he may not wean himself until he's much older and that's a whole new battle. I could be that mom whose son says, "I want boob." I wish that breastfeeding wasn't so taboo. In other parts of the world, children still breastfeed at 4 years old! Maybe more. Now, I can't imagine my oldest coming up to me and asking, but that's normal in other countries. Western culture has sexualized breasts so much that it's considered gross even when a baby is just one year old! Breastmilk has too many good things in it that it cannot be duplicated. Why take that away from your child if they aren't ready? Josiah and I have this insanely close bond. (my oldest and I have one too, I'm not saying we don't). It's beyond words could explain. Moms who breastfeed can attest to it. It's something else. Again, I'm not trying to say formula fed babies don't have one with their mothers. It's just different. I know one day, breastfeeding will be replaced with something else to soothe him, to comfort him, to bond with him, but until he shows me he wants to stop, we're not going to.

I do feel that every breastfeeding mom should have people that support them. It's not always easy so it's nice to have someone to go to during those times. If you try and it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up over it. At least you tried. The least you can do is try!

Laughter is the best medicine!

I looked back at my old blog and realized I'm nowhere near where I was with that blog. I wish I could keep up with this like I did with my old one. I love looking back because I remember things that I've forgotten. Like funny moments. So, I wanted to come on here and write about some funnies that happened recently.

Rattlesnake.

We were in the car with Jason's parents and sister. His sister started to ask a question. She was wondering if a rattler went to strike, and its rattle hit you, would it hurt. We all couldn't help but laugh.

The stench.

On that same ride home, Jason let out a toot, haha. He was being nice so he rolled his window down. It just so happened that the area we were in, reeked of cow manure. For about 5 miles! We were dying from the smell and couldn't stop laughing. Which caused us to smell it even more. The weird thing is, the area was not a farming area. Where we live now, we have farms, but it has never smelled that bad! Yuck.

The mall.

Jason was getting ready for his duty this week and he was confused about something. They told him that they were to report, board a bus and go to the Washington Mall for PT. He didn't understand why they were going to a mall for PT. He added, "I don't even know where that mall is!" I had to remind him that the Washington Mall is the big field of grass in DC. you know, where everyone picnics and flies kites, haha. Oh, how I love him.


Sorry the first one didn't make much sense. The context of the conversation would not have come off the same way. You just had to be there.

I'll return when I have more. Have a great Friday!