Anxiety and then peace

Lately, I just feel like there's so much I want to write about, but once I click "New Post," everything disappears. Not much has changed since my last post and I am still happy. Happy with what I have and although there are many things I wish I/we had, I'm still just happy.

Matti had an appointment yesterday. Since I found out that Jason had to work & I would have to go alone, I was in panic mode. I made it through, haha. Ever since I had Matti, I've become anxious about having to go out alone with him. I got over it when Jason was deployed. When Jason came back, I didn't have to worry about it anymore because he was always with us. Yesterday was the first day we went out alone. Somehow my mind blocked all the anxiety out & we made it through the appointment. It wasn't as bad as before...seriously considering canceling the appointment and putting it off...so it was okay. I think a lot of this is because 1. I don't want him to get hurt and 2. I don't want him to act out. Mostly the second one though. I hear stories from mothers who encounter people who are really against children being in public places. When they think that children cannot make a single noise while in public. Matti is not a "bad kid" but he is a kid & his mind is constantly ticking, but his body isn't able to keep up with it. When that happens, he will get upset. I just don't want people to look at me (their first thought probably is that I'm a teenager who had a child out of wedlock) & think that I can't control my child. He really is a good kid and it makes me sad when people think otherwise. Anyway, Matti's eczema 'passed' since it's under control. He gained a pound which is really good news because he's on the small side according to the charts. We'll be back in two months for his 24 month appointment. Hopefully, he'll have more weight gain by then.

Yesterday was a nice & slightly windy day. So, we took out our kite & attempted to fly it. We got it to fly a few times, and for me, it was relaxing. It made me realize how I'm truly okay & happy with our life. We may not have all these nice things, but we have what we need. We have each other. We live a simple life and we live it following Him. We don't need to live up to anyone's expectations, because in the end, it doesn't matter. The only one whose expectations we need to live up to and who it matters to is Him. And that's who we live for.


Lord,

Help me become a better person for my family, my friends, and to those that I don't know. When words affect me more than it should, help me remember that it doesn't matter. Help me remember to live my life according to Your will. Hold my tongue when it wants to lash out. Calm me when my temper is at its worst. Guide me so that I can be an example to those that see me. Use me, Lord, to lead others closer to you. Even if it's just one person. That's one more person. Thank you for everything that I have and all that you have blessed me with. I know that you have a plan for me and for us. Grant me patience for I know that it will come on Your time.... because a lot of times, I forget. For the times when I can't seem to wait, give me patience. For the times I worry and have anxiety, help me remember that it will be okay.