Ramblings of a housewife.

While I wait for the dryer...

Today is such a nice day & I can definitely tell that the weather affects my mood a lot. Jason's at work so I am catching up on housework I've neglected since he's been off for a few days. I don't like doing them when he's home because I like being with him. It's a thing I have, haha. Later on we'll meet Jason at the playground when he gets off work so Matti can play. Today is beautiful & I want to enjoy it, but my mind constantly goes back to the plane crash. I'm constantly checking for updates to see if they've found the last sailor & nothing changes. I think of the families because I'm sure they are all waiting for that phone call with the two words they want to hear: "I'm okay." When there was a fire onboard the USS George Washington, those were the only words I wanted to hear. I didn't care if that was all he said, but I just wanted to know. It's night time over there now...I hope they find him/her soon. Or that they have found him/her & that articles haven't updated yet. I sent Jason a text message letting him know, but I'm not sure if he's read it yet. We went to the museum yesterday because Matti's in love with planes. They had an old E-2B (?) and Jason spent a good while just checking it out. I can tell he misses some aspects of Navy life. =/
Anyway. Just pray.

Last night, I forgot to lock the door to our room. We lock it so Matti doesn't wander around while we're still asleep. Well, he wandered around this morning, but I was already awake so I just listened to see what he would do. I heard him go to the prayer room (we have an Altar there with Jesus, Mary, the Holy Family, etc) & then run back into the room, shut the door, and climb back in his bed. Eventually we all get up & Jason takes him to get his breakfast. I usually take a little longer to put my contacts in, brush my hair & teeth & clean up a little. I go to Matti's bed to fix his blanket & what do I see? Mother Mary laying next to Elmo. I'm assuming he grabbed her out of the prayer room & took her into bed to hug her like he does with Elmo. He is so fascinated & in love with Jesus, the crucifix, and Mary. He wants to kiss them whenever we pass one. & I love it. He may or may not understand, but I know that he loves them. Which makes me happy. The other day at Mass, we were praying the "Our Father" & in the middle of it, Matti does his version of the Sign of the Cross (straight line from his head to his chest) and yells out, "AMEN!" When he does things like this, I can't help but smile & feel blessed.

My heart is heavy.

http://www.wavy.com/dpp/military/E-2C-Hawkeye-from-USS-Dwight-D-Eisenhower-crashes-in-North-Arabian-Sea

This was Jason's last squadron. We consider them as our family. One is still missing & three have been rescued and are okay. I hope they find the last one, and I'm keeping my hopes up.

Four things.

1. I know a lie when I hear it. & if I don't catch it at first, I will figure it out. 99.9% of the time, I let it slide because I'm just too nice & I hate confrontations. Or it has nothing to do with me, haha.

2. I keep secrets extremely well. I've kept a friend's secret for 10 years this year. The secret may have faded, but the point is, I never told a single person what it was. I don't appreciate being doubted if I tell other people things they shouldn't know. The answer is no. I keep all secrets with me unless I am told that I can say something. BUT. Once I feel crossed, betrayed, lied to, or hurt (really, really hurt), it takes a lot for me to fight spilling my guts. Again, I've never ever done this, because I'm just too nice & I'd feel too much guilt. Who's to say that won't change? Eventually I have to stop being way too nice right? I know it's not right though. & no, this isn't about you (if you're even reading this)

3. I'm not stupid. I will figure things out if I haven't already. I can name times that I have put pieces together & made people wonder how I knew things. This is also another reason why I've never been surprised--with the exception of the times Jason would show up at my door step years & years ago. He's the only one that's ever really surprised me. Other times, I sensed something was up, I would think of what could be happening, and in the end, find out I'm right. This is also a reason why I love shows like Law & Order: SVU & The First 48. How badly I want to be a detective or work in any job where I can just solve things. That's another post though.

4. I can now confidently say that I do want to move somewhere different. Sure it's nice being near family, but as the days & weeks have gone on, I can see more & more why I just want to be somewhere different. & be with different people. & I will admit that I do miss Virginia because I miss the friends that we have there. We may not have much, but they are amazing. We have some amazing friends here in Maryland too but we are all trying to get out of this place & onto something better. I know that when we move, I'll miss them too. It's nice to know that there are people I could go to & feel comfortable & know that there are no secrets. *I was going to add something else, but it was kind of harsh..lol*

Guh. I feel so much better now :)


PS: This isn't about you ;)

big boy.

Jason & I have been discussing switching Matti into his toddler bed. Jason wasn't really into it & I was trying to convince him. I gave up since we just bought him a little table & Matti has been asking to go "potty." Which really means he wants to sit on it--he's tinkled once, but it was a drop, haha. So, I didn't want too many changes for the little man. I was making dinner last night (baked corned beef brisket & sauteed cabbage/onions) & Jason was running around doing something. After I was done, I went to the room to find Matti's crib into a bed! & Jason rearranging the room. We made a late run to the store to get him bed rails & quickly assembled it. We showed Matti his new bed & he got SO. EXCITED. He climbed right in & started squealing! We're currently in the same room with him so we told him it was time for bed cause Jason has work today. He kept climbing out to mess with the portable heater so we finally moved that. We had a night light on, and eventually just turned it off because he never used one before so it was distracting him. He got up about ten times & each time, we put him back to bed. The last time, we didn't get up just to see what he would do. He walked around & climbed right into his bed & was out for the night. I didn't sleep that well because I was just waiting for him to fall or get back out again. He didn't until about 5 this morning. I heard him go to Jake, but he was knocked out lol & he was making his way over to my side. I tried to put him back & he wasn't having it. It might've been a bad idea, but I brought him in bed with me. I was tired lol. When I thought he was asleep, I tried to lay him down & nope, he wasn't having it. So, he stayed with me. I think he did pretty well for it being his first night in his big boy bed. Now, I have to figure out how I'm going to shower while he's awake & see if he's going to even nap in it. I just see him getting in & out  since there is no rail to keep him in anymore. We'll see..Jason says if it's too much or if he doesn't do well (which I think he's handling it quite fine), we'll switch it back. I just need my shower time lol.

Also, I've been thinking about what I want to do for his second birthday. I want it to be something nice & something special since we didn't get to have a party last year. Jason was deployed & I wasn't about to have a party without him there. The plan was to have it after Jake came home, but that never happened since things didn't turn out how we expected them to. Everyone is like, "Chuck E. Cheese!!" but I don't know. I wanted something where we could have people & we could just hang out and still make Matti feel special. I'm leaning towards having one at a park down here..maybe. Or at my mom's house or even Jason's parents' house since they have a fenced in yard. I want a bounce house, but I don't know if that's something Matti would be able to enjoy at that age. & plus, we don't really know a lot of kids lol. We can use it though. I know I don't want a clown or a magician or any of that. Then, someone mentioned they were taking their two year old to Sesame Place: http://sesameplace.com/sesame2/  That would be heaven for Matti! We're debating if we should wait a year, but I'm just worried he won't be into it as much as he is now. He loves  Elmo. I mean LOVE. At least at 3, he would be able to go on a little more rides, but I think he would love it no matter what. Also, I'd want for him to remember it. If we do it, we'll do it on or before his birthday. (23 months & under is free, haha) & have a party that weekend or something. All I know is I want him to have fun. I love this kid too much, haha.

P.S. He can eat his bowl of oatmeal in less that 3 minutes.

weird.

So. We're supposed to be at the church right now...well like two hours ago for the Area Gathering. Jason didn't get up from his much needed nap until 530 & I was a grumpy face. I actually got ready early today so we could go somewhere & 530pm, we're still at home. So, we stayed home. It actually feels good to have the house to ourselves, and just be able to chill. Do whatever--at the moment, putting together Matti's table & chair set that we just got. At the same time though, I feel bad. We're SUPPOSED to be at the church right now. & my parents will come home & wonder why we didn't go. "Oh, you built a table...hmmm spent money...more clutter for the house..." Crap. lol. We wanted to go & Jason asked me if I still wanted to go, but I was just grumpy & lazy & just wanted to chill...So I feel weird. & I feel bad. I don't know why, but I do. Dumb post. Today has been weird. I should go help with this table now...

What a weekend.

This weekend was an emotional roller coaster. Saturday, we found out that a family friend might have leukemia and was being sent to a hospital in Washington D.C. We were going to head up there, but Auntie told us to stay home & to come on Sunday. We went to our household & we discussed the Prodigal Son. I really need to brush up on the readings. I still get nervous when speaking out so I didn't have much to add. =/ Overall, the discussion went well. It was hard to focus because all I thought about was Uncle & his family. Is this really happening? The next day, we waited for my parents to get out of mass to finally head up the road. We didn't get there until close to 3pm & spent the rest of the day there. He has leukemia. To be honest, I had to look it up because I wasn't totally sure what it was. I knew it had to do something with blood. Earlier that day, another family friend drove up with his wife & kids so they were there when we arrived. We went to mass & it was one of the most moving masses I've been to. Maybe it was due to the recent news & seeing so many people there praying for their family members. I almost cried a couple of times. After mass, we went back to his room & we just hung out there until the drugs kicked in & made him sleepy. We hung out in the lobby for the longest time before we all finally left. The people in the car with us went to dinner with Kennelle in Georgetown & we eventually made it home a little after midnight. I still need to thank my parents for watching Matti for us.

Now, Jason is at work & Matti is taking a nap so I have time to myself & all my thoughts go to this family. I met them through church & through Jason's family. The parents hang out & it used to be every Sunday after church, we'd go to lunch or someone's house. & stay there all day. Also, there were yearly family trips with these families. Last summer, we went to Tennessee! Of course, things happen & it's not as consistent, but when we do get together with everyone, it's still the same. Just a good time--we play a lot of Hand & Foot & end the night really late. I consider these families my second families. We're not really really close, but they hold a place in my heart. & this (Uncle having leukemia) is a shock to everyone. Like, really? My first thought was his family. & me & Jake wanted to go up Saturday night when we first found out. We wanted to be there for him & for his family. I've always seen them very close as a family & in each one of their individual relationships. To me & Jake, praying & being there for them was a priority. At the hospital they kept saying "thank you" for coming, for the support, for being there, etc. I/we didn't see where else we would be. Stay stRONg.

taxes.

Hello, tax return! Now, I can breathe a little easier.

work.

I applied to a few places this week. I also gave my resume to someone & ideally, I would love that job. They have free daycare for the employee's children! & I think it would be a good stepping stone for getting back into the 'work force.' Today, I found another job that I want to apply to, but I keep putting it off. They want references and I was going to list the same people I always do, but I needed to make the reference page. Off to Google I went & I found this: SAHM. & I feel like I'm never going to find a job that's not Walmart (the last place I worked). My resume sucks and I know it does because I just put it together when I decided to apply for one job. Also, I've worked two jobs in my life (Asahi as a hostess & a cashier at Walmart) and there's not much I can say I did at those jobs. I sat people down & gave them their menus. I rang people up at Walmart. Not to mention, I worked there FIVE YEARS AGO. Most people that I worked with aren't there anymore & I have no idea where they are--well except for like one person. In the five years, I moved somewhere different, took time off school (I had enough of it at that point because school was drilled into my head since I was in Pre-K), moved again, started online school, got pregnant & had a baby. I don't feel that I wasted the past five years, but I think that I really did need that time to just relax. That sucks for me now, because I have nothing to show (except for the 2 years of online school that I still need to get my certification for) for it. I applied to a few Pharmacy Tech jobs (which I went to school for), but I don't know if that's a career/path I want anymore. I still don't know what I want to do & I am going on 24. & I think that's why I want to work so bad. Aside from wanting to buy things & moving out, I want to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. I know I want to stay home & raise Matti (& all future kids), but at this point in my life, we need for me to work. & I feel like I need to work. It just sucks because I don't feel like I'm going to get anything. I know God has a plan for me. & I know I shouldn't worry about this because He's got this. I just want to take some of the load off Jason's shoulders. So yea, I'm kinda 'meh' today, but I know that in the end, whatever that's meant to be will find its way.

February.

& here I am for my monthly update. With pictures! February went by so fast, but it was a good month =) I started looking for a job & I actually had a phone interview with a bank set up. I don't know what happened, but the lady I talked to never called me for the actual interview. I tried for two weeks (calling & emailing) to see what was up and I never got a response back to anything. So, I moved on. I've found a few receptionist & bank jobs so hopefully one of those will come through. One of those jobs actually has a daycare in the building for the employees so I'm praying something happens with that one. God's in control, though. There's a new Kohl's opening up down here & we went to take Jason's aunt to her interview. His mom called & told him to come back & do an interview since they were taking walk-ins. He hesitated for a little bit & decided to do it since he was supposed to apply to two jobs anyway (to receive unemployment--which eventually got denied anyway!). In he went with jeans & a collared shirt, haha. A few days later, he got a job offer. It's not much, but it's something. We're still praying for a job on base. Lent also started and I am focusing on spiritual growth. Something's happening because I've been waking up at five in the morning to make Jason's his breakfast before work. & today, instead of going back to bed, I stayed up & spent a few minutes with Him. Also, Sunday after Mass, I went to confession. I used to AVOID going at all costs & I just went. I freaked out a little bit when there was no screen, but in the end, I felt a lot more comfortable without it. So, I am trying to keep up with this because I've never felt better. And so at peace. So anyway, here is a look into my February.

My dad's birthday was on February 3rd! He's a hard working guy and has done a lot for our family. I look up to him a lot and I hope to be like him in the way that he serves the Lord. We went to Oga's for sushi & when we came home, we surprised him with this cake.

Matti was/is so in love with this hat. It's a New Year's hat. He walks around the house with it on. Sometimes, he covers his eyes with it & walks around blowing raspberries, haha. I don't think he wanted me to interrupt him and his hat. Also, the outfit is ridiculous, haha...the paw print onesie was an undershirt.

 

  

We had a "blizzard" early in the month & I had fun taking pictures of it. I also started my obsession with (naked) trees.The bottom picture is my favorite tree here at my parents' house--I don't know why! Jason says I need to take a picture of it in all four seasons. Smart man. 

Matti LOVED the snow. We finally bought him some boots so he could actually walk in it. It was so hard to get him inside! He definitely takes after his daddy on this one. 

 

Whoever invented this game (Hand & Foot) is a genius. We pretty much got all of our friends & family addicted to this game. I've been told it's a lot like Spades because you have to make books & whatnot. Hand & Foot is just love love love love and we played a lot of it =)

I think this was day #3 in the snow for Matti. It was after we got the second part of the storm so a lot of the snow on the ground went away. I snapped this picture of babylove when he heard an airplane fly by. We live close to a base & they're constantly flying over our house. & Matti stops what he's doing, looks up & says, "Ayplayne!"  Sometimes, he makes his hand "fly" in the air while he makes an airplane sound. Back to the picture: He was looking very, very hard to find the "ayplayne."

 

I love that Matti loves books now. This is one of his favorite books--Cars--because there's cars all over it. This is also one of his favorite pages. The other page he loves has Lightning McQueen with dirt all over him. The page reads, "Dirty car." & Matti says, "Ew! Ew! Ew!" everytime. He has a new book that he loves called "Wheels" which has cars on it too, but one page has a train (choo choo) AND an airplane on it. Along with Elmo, those things are his favorite. Oh & firetrucks too. 

One of my favorite things that Matti did this month was him finally calling me "mommy." He would say "mama" but it was never consistent & he would call my mom that too. I know he wasn't doing it intentionally, but I wanted to be called something, too. He was sitting in his high chair eating & as I walked away, he said, "mommy.." When I turned around & he was looking right at me with a smile on his face. Now he says, "mommyyyyyy" with a cheesy grin & it melts my heart everytime.

And to end February off, Jason, Jeaniffer, Marisa, Ashley & myself decided to make some sweet treats. So we made rice crispy treats, cupcakes (a la Jason) & chocolate covered strawberries. & they were all delicious!

So, February was pretty good. I look forward to March. I started it off pretty amazing & I hope it gets better. I've got big plans for Matti. I'm going to attempt to take away his pacifier this month. He has an Elmo that he hugs at night so I'm hoping that will help him with the big change. I've also started teaching him the Alphabet. I made the mistake of using the Alphabet song for one of his lullabies, and he doesn't like singing it. So, I changed that and hopefully he won't hate it anymore, haha. We started with the letter "A" last week & hopefully this week we can go to "B!" He's learning more & more words and I just love it. I love seeing him learn new things. Sometimes, he picks up a book & starts babbling like he's reading. He has my heart, completely. Jason & I have a few things we want to do. One of them is start the process of going back to school. We're hoping that maybe in the summer we can both take a class (maybe together?) and the latest we'll go back is in the Fall. We both really want to start up soon though. I also have been wanting a DSLR camera even more. I told Jason to forget about the Imac & the Dyson, I just want a camera. All in God's time, Frances. & that is the end of February :)

Hello, March!