daydreaming.

A few months ago, I told Jake that in five years I want to move somewhere completely different. My first thought was Florida. I wanted to go somewhere warm & where the sun was always shining. Then, a friend of mine mentioned that she wanted to move to Tennessee because of how beautiful it is there. So, I started looking at house prices & I fell in love with a few log cabins. I've always said that I want to live in a log cabin. Late last summer, we went to Tennessee with Jason's family for our yearly trip. I'm not much of a nature person--snakes, bears, and big cats scare the crap out of me. I do love going up to the mountains though. We used to go every summer with Jason's family in Pennsylvania & last year we went to the Smokies. The air is so clean, the people are so nice, and it's just SO. PEACEFUL. There's something about it. I'm fortunate that the time we have gone up to the mountains, we've stayed for at least a week so I was able to enjoy different things about it. I really did love Tennessee though (except for flipping my tube over a giant rock). I told Jason I wanted to move there instead of Florida, but we will see. I also stumbled on houses in South Carolina & those were just beautiful for a decent price. We have family friends there & a few years ago (when I was still in high school), my dad had to go to work there & my whole family went. Something again about being in the south & hello, unlimited supply of sweet tea! I want to see how other areas of the US are because let's face it, Southern Maryland gets kinda boring sometimes. I love being back in Maryland, I do, but something in me wants to do this. I don't know if we'll follow through with it, but if the job market continues to be like how it is, it might be a good possibility. I'll miss church though, the church family, FCJ, and of course we'll miss our family & friends. I want Matti to grow up with his family close by--especially his grandparents. I wish the Navy had sent us to other places so I wouldn't have this urge to move.

Hand & Foot is love

So, when I finally decide to do monthly updates, I end up updating this more? What's wrong with me? I wanted to write about last night. It was much needed & it was so much fun. Nothing really exciting happened...to other people, it could be considered quite boring actually. It was just a bunch of friends sitting around a table playing cards. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard, haha. And I needed that. My mom even took Matti & fed him dinner & hung out with him most of the night so that me & Jason could just hang out. Awesome. Life isn't bad, it's not terrible, but for me, I feel like I'm stuck. We can't move out anytime soon, we need to sell our house, I need to get a job, Jason is still waiting on getting a job on base, we both want to go to school, but we can't because we need to get back on our feet first. I tend to worry about things too much and I've been trying harder to not let things get to me. I know in the end something will work out & everything will be back to normal--whatever that may be. Well, to me that's living in our place again & living our lives separately from my parents. I don't like how I feel so dependent on them. Right now, I just feel stuck & I don't know how long it'll take to get out. I know it'll happen eventually & I have faith that it will happen when it's suppose to. Last night just really took all the worries off my mind & it was so liberating. There were countless times when I couldn't even go my turn because I was laughing so hard. & I tried to say something & it sounded like I was drunk, haha. Last night also proved to me that even though me & my friends don't see each other as much as we used to, it's okay because we always pick up right where we left off.

just one word

 Why yes...another entry! So yesterday was Valentine's Day & for us it was just any old day. We usually don't do anything more than we would do because Valentine's Day should be everyday. For some reason I wanted more yesterday though. For the first half of the day I was kind of bumming around (I had a headache too) thinking to myself: I want flowers. I want chocolate. I want to go out to eat. blah blah blah. When I know for a fact that we can't & any other year we've never celebrated this 'holiday.' I finally got over this 'I want' thing when I looked at Matti & told Jason, "let's make today about Matti." When I was coming towards the end of my pregnancy, a lady approached me at Wal-Mart (cause apparently when you're pregnant, that's what happens) to talk to me. After talking for a little bit she congratulated me & as she walked away she said, "If you think you love your husband a lot and you can't possibly love anymore, wait until you have your little boy." I can't even describe what I feel for that little man. "True parenting is allowing your heart to go walking around outside your body." I want nothing but the best for him. I want him to feel loved always. Sometimes I feel that I'm not doing my best as a mother. People always tell me that I'm doing such a good job, but when it comes to the times when he refuses to listen to me, when I don't know what to do when he's having a tantrum, or I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not. I hear it but I don't feel it. It sucks & it hurts. But then we have days like days from this weekend. He's never called me mommy & mama was never consistent. He'd call my mom mama & it hurt me. Out of the blue, he calls out 'mommy' & when I turn to look at him, he's looking right at me with a smile on his face. Mommy. Then this morning, he said, "Dad!" and Jake took him out of his crib. As always, Jake puts Matti on the bed & comes to me, but today, he says, "Mommy" and plants a kiss on me. All my doubts, all my worries, went away with just one word. Mommy.

January

I've decided to do monthly updates since I really can't find anything interesting to talk about. So, here is January.

All in all, January was a pretty good month. A few job opportunities came up, but were quickly squashed. =/ Everything happens for a reason. Here are some pictures to pretty much sum up the month.
We decided to make use of our library cards & really focus on reading with Matti. He used to just flip through them & not really have any interest. Now, he will sit through a book & keep asking for more. :)

Baby boy got his second haircut! He was digging through grandpa's (Jason's dad) remote drawer. Then, grandpa came home & this was how excited he got.

This was my view for our ride up to PA with Kenny, Michelle & Baby K from the third row. I think the cousins (baby K & Matti) were able to bond that weekend ;) Also, we decided that when we buy a new vehicle, it will be a van!

The love for Elmo has multiplied. Matti also has learned a lot of new words this past month. I've counted 41 & he's still going. :) Nap time is also my favorite because I get to have some 'me' time, but when I look at pictures like this, all I want to do is wake him up! haha...

So, that's January. February is so far a good month. We just had two huge snow storms/blizzards & I am so happy to see the sun! See you next month ;)