livin' on a prayer

Hello world...

I'm sitting here on another gloomy day eating some ampalaya w/ egg & tomatoes & pork with my rice...hehe. Yummy. Matthias is taking his first nap for the day. Hmm...so it's May! Our 3 year anniversary is on the 20th...woohoo! & it's the second anniversary that he's been gone for. My birthday is in less than a month & Matti's is in more than a month ;) haha. It's exciting, but it's also sad for me. I can't believe our baby will be a year old already :( Can't he stay my baby forever? I have everyone asking me left & right, "What are we doing for Matti's birthday?" I have nothing planned & I don't want to plan anything until Jason gets back. I don't care that it won't be his "real" birthday but more than anything, I want Jason to celebrate it with us. I'll probably get Matti a cupcake or an oversized cupcake & let him destroy it. Have the families over, but nothing big. He has a big boy sippy cup now WITH a straw, I should add. He climbed up the stairs yesterday so we had to bring the baby gate out. Too fast too fast! Really though, I am happy that he's growing up & learning all these new things, it's just really crazy how fast time goes. Everyone told me that before & now, I say it so much. I love the laughs he gives me everyday though...he keeps me sane.

I've been doing pretty good lately..so far. I think that I've been handling this deployment extremely well. Better than I thought I would. I haven't cried since that one month mark when I had my little melt down. We still don't have a date as of now, but it seems sooo close. I drifted off to sleep the other night dreaming of homecoming. Of me & Matti picking Jason up & just trying to imagine his face when he sees us....when he sees Matti. I think more than anything, that is what will make me cry on homecoming. Seeing my boys together again. I keep telling myself, "Don't get so excited about the time that has passed because you'll jinx it & then time will slow down." haha..but my goodness, time has gone fast! & I really pray that it continues to keep going at this pace, if not, faster. I hope that it's the same for Jason's side. Recently, I've been finding myself staring at pictures of Jason. It's been so long since I've seen his face (minus webcamming a month ago) that I feel like I've forgotten every detail that I once knew. So, I study his pictures...it's weird. I probably sound crazy. I just miss him & on calendar, it looks like the days will just fly by. I hope that's the case. I still need to work out like I wanted to & get in shape. I have my goals that I want to get done by the time he is back. He just emailed me :) ...I'm glad that Jason is always right...I'm stronger than I think & I'm slowly realizing that as each day passes.